Entah ada apa dengan mental ataupun fisik gua, tapi intinya lagi ingin ngeblog aja. Gile ya? Terakhir kali gua bikin post itu pas tahun lalu bulan Oktober, masa-masa galaunya hahaha. Untuk sekarang, gua udah mendingan lah. Akhir tahun 2010 itu ancurrrrr!
Gua dikasih cobaan sama yang diatas, yang imut-baik-keren-gaul-kadang-super-nyebelin-tapi-baik ituloooh dan timingnya gak tepat banget; bulan Desember. Yep, that's right. Pas gua mau ulang tahun. To sum it up, ini adalah kejadian secara kronologinya:
1. Awal Desember - gua baru tau, orang yang bikin gua head over sneakers (i don't wear heels) got back together with his ex. Nyesek banget. Dan lebih nyeseknya lagi, gua taunya di Facebook statusnya dia. Gua baru ngerti maksudnya 'milik' itu apa. Aaaaaand, i cried every night, dan pernah 'keceplosan' nangis di kelas 2 kali.
2. Masih bulan Desember - kita ngobrol gak penting di DM, dan gua berusaha untuk menjadi lebih 'friendly' but it's no use. He said, he was going to explain what happened, his intentions, pokoknya everything about it. But until now, it never happened.
3. Desember pertengahan - gua mencoba sebuah rencana biar kita berdua bisa move on. Kita berdua? Yeah, how naive am I, huh? Tentu saja dia gak perlu repot untuk move on because obviously he's a dude and there's plenty of girls who wants him. Jadi, rencana gua adalah gua pura-pura udah move on ke Puput (padahal nggak sama sekali. Cuma gara-gara smsan aja jadi ngefly, but it only lasts for a while) dengan cara ngetweet gak jelas tentang Puput sms gua. It worked. Tapi gua? Yeah... Not really.
4. 25 Desember - my birthday. Dan ternyata adalah waktu dia dan that slut (okay, i have no right to call her that but come on? she doesn't deserve him! oh anyway, you know... how he treats the s.l.u.t. better than when i was with him) PDKT.
5. Ever since i knew that, I've been plotting for revenge. Actually, I'm executing it, still. But not really. I just like to see their life go miserable like I was on December and the next month.
6. 14 Februari - and you know what? Valentine's Day of 2011 is when they went officially unofficial. Tau lah yang namanya HTS alias Hubungan Tanpa Status. Dasar anak muda, ckckck. *merasa udah tua*
7. About Puput and I? SUCKKKKKKKKK. I don't know whether he's a douche or a little girl who's put in to a wrong, kind of attractive body. Udah cueknya minta ampun, sok dewasa coz come on girl!!! you're young!! you should live it up not by competing who's the most mature from all teenagers!!! Dan tampaknya gak peka akan perasaan orang lain, terutama gua! (ternyata-_-)
Too bad. I'm having a crush on him. Every time I think of him, my chest suddenly hurt sooooo bad and I feel sad, happy, annoyed at the same time :\
And when I looked back and previewed what happened last year, it's like... I don't know. Indescribable. Happy because of the beautiful memories. Pissed off when I think of what he did to me. And also proud, I went through all of it... ALIVE. Because at that kind of time, suicide is the only thing that'll solve everything.
To be honest, it's not fair for everybody else. Not fair of me, acting like a victim. In last year's case, everyone's the victim. Everyone made mistakes. Okay, not everyone but nobody's perfect, remember that. Maybe apologizing isn't enough from some people, but hey! At least you have the courage to say it, to admit that you're wrong. And the rest of it is their choice to forgive us or not.
All we can do: learn from the past.
Walau gua dijauhin, diremove, dicaci-maki, dipermalukan, dan dijatuhkan oleh orang-orang yang gua kira adalah temen gua, yang gua kira gak bakal mihak, everything was worth it. Ujung-ujungnya, gua ditendang dari grup 'mereka', beradaptasi dengan orang-orang luar dan sekarang punya temen-temen baru yang lebih baik dari yang dulu. Lucu banget. Gua kira cuma 'mereka' yang seru, bisa diajak gila-gilaan dan lain-lain.
Hey!
Turns out what?
Putus satu tumbuh seribu.
And,
You're not alone. ;)
xoxp,
Yasmin.
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